


M35: Desperate Measures

by FlyMeToTheMoon



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Exhibitionism, Genderqueer Shepard, Other, Pre-Mass Effect 2, objectophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 08:34:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8617096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyMeToTheMoon/pseuds/FlyMeToTheMoon
Summary: A scant budget paired with Shepard's gambling and partying problem leave the crew with a need for funding. Shepard must look for creative ways to gain the credits they need to replace worn-down equipment.
Shepard decides to fuck the Mako.
(Spoilers for Mass Effect 1, no spoilers for 2 or 3, but locations from 2 mentioned. Takes place after Mass Effect 1.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Rev your engines. Pop some wheelies. You're in for a wild ride. (I am so sorry.)

     "Shepard, we absolutely cannot grant you any more funding for this mission, you've gone historically over budget for what should have been a simple cleanup. The point of the Spectres is to operate independently. Take better care of your equipment next time, get creative to fund the additional expenses, and, please, Shepard, quit gambling away all those mission credits. While we're thankful you've saved our lives and the Citadel, we cannot turn a blind eye to your vices. Please be mindful of how your actions in the spotlight reflect on us. The galaxy has their eyes on its hero. Councilor Tevos, signing off."

     The message relay ended. Shepard's grip tightened around the railing.

     "Owch, Commander, that was harsh." Joker's voice rang through the CIC intercom. "Wanna send a 'fuck you' back, or what? Cause that's what I'd do."

     "Set a course for Omega. I have some shopping to do."

     "Will do, Commander."

 

-

 

     "We're online," Garrus whispered.

     "Hello, everyone. You may recognize me as the Hero of the Citadel, the one who singlehandedly saved the galaxy from a rogue spectre and an army of geth..." Shepard, wearing only a leather jacket, cropped tee, and leather booty shorts, was cooly leaning against the Mako. "I'm Commander Shepard, and This is my favourite ride in the galaxy." Shepard walked along the side of the Mako, sliding their hand along its side as Garrus followed behind with the live feed camera. "It's the M35, or, as she lets me call her, The Mako. She's the Hardiest all-terrain armoured vehicle supplied by the Alliance, and, boy, do I Love hearing her purr."

     Shepard pressed a few keys on the exterior command panel to turn on the Mako and raise the large antenna on top. The Mako's low purr joined the ship's white noise in the background. Shepard turned around and straddled a wheel and motioned for Garrus to come closer. "Now, I know what you're thinkin', 'What the fuck am I watching' 'The fuck are they doing' 'Why do I have a strange erection'... Don't worry 'bout that. Just sit back, relax, an' let me show you the side of me those public vids never will. My girl Mako here, and I'll give you a real nice show, so make sure you tip well." Shepard slowly grinded their crotch against the wheel with a sigh. "Let's get started, shall we?"

     They climbed on top of the wheel and leaned over the hull of the Mako, sliding their hands over the scarred surface and letting Garrus get a 180 shot of Shepard's toned ass in the booty shorts. "She really is a fine piece of machinery," Shepard said with a wiggle before jumping all the way on top. "Just looking at her gets me a bit hot!" Shepard slid off the leather jacket and tossed it past Garrus. "This antenna has so many uses - sending communication, receiving information, and of course, it's something to play with." Shepard took a long stride around the antenna, sizing it up. They spun around it and did their best impression of a sexy pole dancing move. They slid their hands up and down the antenna, bending over and squatting with each stride. "It's so long, and hard!" Standing up again Shepard began their best attempt at sliding around it and grinding on it, the antenna only slightly giving way each time they leaned on it. "Ugh! I love the feeling of rubbing against you, Mako! MMMmmmh... You make me so horny..." Shepard pulled off their top to reveal a strappy leather half-bra. They bit their lip and slid the antenna between their boobs. "Does that get you hot, too, baby? Do you like feeling my soft flesh slide up and down your rod?" After a bit more rubbing on it, Shepard pulled away with a moan.

     "Let's check out your cannon, baby." Shepard squatted down next to the cannon and slid their hands along it's length. "It's so strong and has great fire power. Oh, feeling this is getting me wet already." Shepard stood up, "I guess I better take these off before they get dirty." They bent over as they slid the booty shorts down their thighs, giving the camera full view of the matching strappy black leather thong underneath. They kicked away the booty shorts and straddled the cannon. "Ohh yess.... I can feel the vibrations coming from you, you want this just as much as I do, don't you, Mako?" Shepard leaned forward and slid their crotch against the cannon, letting out obscene moans. "You feel so good against me, Mako, I love fucking you like this, you always know just what I want." The hum of the running Mako started sending shivers down Shepard's spine, so they leaned back to give the camera a view from the front as they let out some porn-star moans. Soon, they grabbed the cannon in front of them and started humping it faster, getting louder with the excitement. "Oh, fuck, yes, you're so hot!! Ugh!! You make me so wet!!" True enough a sticky sound could be heard with each thrust. Was Shepard was genuinely getting off to this, or was it the fact that so many people all over the Citadel, Omega, and Earth were paying the credits to watch their hero show off? It may have also helped that their beloved was holding the camera, always taking his task so seriously. Shepard suddenly noticed there were a few other crew members hanging out in the back of the Battery, also watching the show. Even better.

     "Actually, I have an idea.." Shepard stood up. "Omni-gel!!" Garrus tossed a tube of lube, as planned, to Shepard, who squeezed out an obnoxious amount along the middle of the cannon. They slid their fingers into the straps of their panties and slowly slid them down before stepping out, making sure to give the camera full view. Shepard held them up, "By the way, if you want a Real taste of some Commander Shepard, these are up for auction after the show." Shepard put one strap in their mouth and stretched the other towards the camera before letting them fling towards the 'audience.' Shepard lowered onto the now slick cannon with a high pitched sigh. "Ahh, it's so much better to feel it directly touching me!!" They made a point of sliding along the cannon in long strokes to spread the lube all over. "This is so messy, I love it. Ugh, Mako, I want to fuck you all night!!" Shepard frantically grinded on it, not holding back anything. Once they started feeling close, they slyly reached toward the opening of the cannon and gasped. "What's this??"

     Shepard scooted closer to the opening, pulling out a bright red dildo from hiding. "Oh, Mako, I knew you wanted to fuck me too, and now you can!" Shepard obscenely licked and sucked at the dildo with a mouth full of whines, breathing heavily and getting sloppy with it. Shepard unmounted from the cannon and leaned with their back against it, squatting down to give full view to the audience. They slid the dick along their entrance, whining gently as it passed over their clit, before sliding the tip in and out of their hole. They gradually pushed it in deeper, getting louder with each pump before it reached full hilt, Shepards hips twitching up with each thrust. Shepard felt themself get close again and slowed down. "I think I'm ready to get fucked, now, Mako, babe..."

     Shepard screwed the end of the dildo onto an attachment at the tip of the cannon and got on all fours on the hood in front of it. They slowly aligned themself with the dildo and sank back against it with a loud moan, the sensation from the Mako vibrating deep inside them was more prominent from this position. They slid off and slammed it back in. "OH FUUUCK!! It feels so good!! You're so deep inside of me!!" Shepard slapped their ass a few times, letting out a loud moan. They continued fucking the dildo on the Mako with barely legible phrases punctuated with high pitched whines. The residual lube made lewd squishing noises as Shepard thrust themself against the Mako. "Feels so good!! Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, ahhnn.. You're so big and hard, you feel so good deep inside me, mmmhh... Make me cum, baby, I wanna cum with you inside me.." Shepard felt close to cumming again, and this time continued fucking themself on the Mako, concentrating on the growing feeling. "I'm so close, keep fuckin' me, baby, keep fuckin' me!! Hhhahh.. Don't stop! Ahh..." Shepard spewed out pleas as they neared climax. "FFuck, I'm gonna.. 'M gonna cum.. ahh.." Shepard rammed the dildo deep inside of them and felt the edge near, "I'm cumming!" They whined out as it hit them, ramming the dildo in and twitching their hips sporadically. "Ahhhnnn... fuckkkkk..." They slowed down, feeling themselves twitch against the dildo. "Mmmm..." They slid the dildo in and out slowly a few more times before pulling off limply. "Ahhh... that felt soo good, baby." They laid down against the hood and ran their hand along the surface.

     Shepard slowly sat up. "If that was as good for you as it was for me, I know you'll tip well. Thank you for watching, and we appreciate your support." They gave the signal for Garrus to cut the feed.

     As soon as they were in the clear, the rest of the crew applauded and cheered. A large crowd had gradually wandered in during the performance, and were all anxiously checking the viewer count go up, and up, and up, trying to hide their awkward boners and their sense of relief at the same time.

     "Congratulations, Shepard! You did it!!" Garrus brought a towel over and sat on the hood of the Mako next to Shepard. "Five MILLION viewers!! That's just under 100 million credits, with tips still coming in! I can't believe it."

     "Are you serious?? Let me see!" Garrus handed the device over, and wow, he was right, it really did have that many views.

     "Commander Shepard, saviour of the galaxy, and champion of fundraising." Garrus laughed.

     "Destroyer of dignity's more like it. 'M never gonna get any peace on the Citadel again."

     "Not like you did to begin with."

     "'S true."

     "Still I'm proud of you, getting turned away by the council again, and finding a way to stick it to them while also doing their job."

     "They're gonna give me so much shit, remind me to have Joker screen their call requests..." Shepard leaned against Garrus. "I really need a shower. I know we cleaned the Mako, and it gets decontaminated, but I can't help thinking about all the thresher maw guts that have covered this... Will you join me?"

     "Is that a command?"

     "You know it. Now help me get cleaned up, we're going out partying at Afterlife to celebrate. My treat, y'know. Now that we can afford shore leave without the council breathing down our backs."

**Author's Note:**

> I saw [something saying the new Mass Effect vehicles would be "sexy"](http://mettatonexox.tumblr.com/post/153461318158/sepulchrepunk-replacing-romanceable-squadmates) and got offended at the implication that the Mako wasn't considered sexy.
> 
> Anyways. How's this for my first Mass Effect fanfiction that I wrote on impulse in just a few hours.


End file.
